Super Heroes: Cookies!!!!

I'm not sure exactly how I got my hands on this, I wasn't one to bug my parents for things at the store (mostly, because I knew I'd never get anything!), and I know I didn't buy it myself. Oh well, I'm glad that I kept this part of the box. The cookies, didn't keep for long and the collector card was soon thrown out. Not a big fan of the Penguin, I suppose.

These product endorsements of the 1970's really have shaped my view of DC Comics characters. Nowadays, I really want to see a well-told collection of stories focused on these core characters. It's probably close to impossible because it always seems that one or more of these characters is being "revamped" or "killed" or "replaced." Guess, I'll just have to create and write those stories myself.

My list of my picks for core characters and what's been done to them nowadays:

-Superman: has been revamped about 20 times or so in recent years. Every creative-team has to "mix things up." Yawn. The original Superman died this year in the Infinite Crisis debacle. The Superboy of Earth Prime is murderous lunatic who rips off the heads of other super-heroes. Great job, DC. Way to show off your super-characters as role models.

-Wonder Woman: has she been replaced? Not sure, her monthly comic has only come out three times since May or so, anyway, I forget.

-Captain Marvel (Shazam): has been deemed in need of a total "makeover." i.e. a complete, unrecognizable makeover written by some guy who was on the Real World. "Captain Marvel isn't selling. So let's make him into a generic magic character who fights demons! And oh yeah, let's kill a character that's already dead (the old wizard Shazam), replace him with Captain Marvel and give him white hair, and then make Captain Marvel Jr. the new Captain Marvel and give him hipster facial hair! Oh yeah, put Mary Marvel in a coma. And more demons and more sassy characters who are "cool."

-Batman: just make him a total psychotic jerk who drafts plans to murder other super-heroes, just in case THEY go rogue.

-Robin: I have no idea. There have been a bunch of Robins.

-Aquaman: decide that he can't have a happy life ever and then replace him in his own comic-book with some character who has practically the exact name and then make sure you give the old Aquaman a squid-face, yeah, a SQUID-FACE!

-Batgirl: she gets shot in the back by the Joker, otherwise she's still pretty cool leading the Birds of Prey from her wheelchair as Barbara Gordon.

-Supergirl: introduce about a dozen different new versions of her, the newest one is a fifteen year old girl who wears a Kleenex for a skirt and tries to have sex with Nightwing, the original Robin now grown-up. She now feels comfortable posing for Maxim magazine.

-Plastic Man: give his character his own funny book that gets lots of critical acclaim but gets cancelled because not enough readers buy it. A sad commentary on the state of comic-book readers.

-Hawkman: I have no idea where to start here. His character has been "revamped" soooo much, even I, one of the biggest DC geeks, has no clue how to explain Hawkman to anyone. Who is he??? I dunno. What's his story? Does anyone know for sure? Nope!!!!

-Green Lantern: his city was NUKED! Then he went insane and murdered almost all of the other Green Lantern characters! Then he became a super-villian who tried to wipe out history!!!! Then he died!!!! Then he became some kind of ghost!!!! Now he's alive again!!!!! What????

-Flash: died and was replaced, then the replacement just "died" or something, and was replaced by a kid who's all of a sudden now an adult, just like in the soap-operas.

-Atom: his wife killed another super-hero's wife and now he disappeared and has been replaced!

-Firestorm: this is getting monotonous-killed and replaced.


Man, do I miss classic stories- thank god, for my reprint books and back issues!!!!